
It is very common to hear women say they’d rather be trapped with a bear than with a man. Why is that? Why do women often feel unsafe around men?
When I ask myself these questions, I realize I can relate, totally. There have been countless situations where I’ve felt more cautious, more aware and almost ready to defend myself whenever I’m surrounded by men. The fear comes from knowing the potential harm men can cause. Some physical, others psychological, without even touching.
This isn’t to say women cannot harm men, but here, I’m focusing on why women often perceive men as frightening.
The other day, I came across a video about a South Korean woman who was a “comfort woman”(Watch Here) during World War II. At first, I misunderstood the term, assuming it referred to nurses who cared for injured soldiers in camps. But as I listened to her story, I was horrified to learn the truth. Comfort women were exploited and repeatedly assaulted by soldiers for their pleasure.
Another incident that stuck with me was an interview with rapists in jail. A journalist had recorded conversations with these ma, and what I saw left me speechless. There was no remorse on his face for his actions. In fact, he believed he was justified in his crime, claiming he did it to “punish” women for certain behaviors or to “discipline” them.
These stories make me question humanity. How can one human being exploit another for their own pleasure? How could groups of soldiers collectively justify assaulting women because they “needed” it? How could rapists believe they have the right to decide a woman’s fate or punish her in such a brutal way?
When I think about these questions, I find no answers – only confusion and disbelief. How could these collective thoughts and actions not strike anyone as wrong? How can such behavior be normalized in any capacity?
When we can’t understand the patterns or motivations behind harmful behavior, our natural response is to protect ourselves. Women become hyper-aware, cautious and alert around men. Not because all men are harmful, but we don’t know ho have harming intentions and who are not having them and that’s why the fear of harm lingers in the back of our minds.
Of course, not all men are predators or have ill intentions. But seeing the aggression, violence and cruelty around us can make even the act of standing near a man feel intimidating or humiliating. This, I believe, is just one of the reason why women often find men scary. It’s a survival instinct to stay safe in an unpredictable world.
I wonder, though: Do good men know about this? Are they aware of how women feel?